1. My dog ate my passport2. The beaches in ‘down under’ don’t have the same characteristics as beautiful Blackpool.3. Umm… Glenn McGrath has made me his bunny.4. Mark O’Meley plays for the Kangaroos.5. Sometimes they say mean things to me when I’m playing, and I’m nervous and scared and a bit worried that my helmet isn’t real strong too.6. People in the grandstands call me rude names.7. I don’t like flying long distances. 8. It gets really hot and it’s summer. I just came from an English winter guv’.9. It takes a really really long time for my body clock to adjust . . . and you know with the jetlag and that.10. Everyone back ‘ome thinks we can beat the Aussies gaffer’, and I can’t bear to dissapoint them.11. The wife only married me coz she finks I’m handy at this batting caper.12. I’ve heard that there’s crocodiles and all those jungle animals walking the streets.13. We teased ‘em about being all children of convicts an ‘nat. And now they’re angry.14. When I left the ‘ouse I fink I forgot to turn the box (tv) off.15. Forgot to take the clothes off the line.16. I gotta cook for the wife.17. The missus needs me at home coz she gets lonely if I’m not there for more than a week.18. Robbie Williams and Elton John are doin a one off gig for some charity, and I gotta set the video for the wife.19. There’s a war in Iraq, and I fink we ‘ave to fly through a no fly zone.20. I can’t speak Australian.21. When I get hot I sweat. And when I sweat I smell like a dirty old pom.
Okay that last one was I bit nasty but I just couldn’t come up with any more excuses. Maybe if there are some Brits online you could help complete the next eighty excuses for dogging it. Or maybe you’re an Aussie with a spare minute. Help me to help our whingeing cousins from the mother country.